Criminals lie to gain your trust and build a relationship with you. They make everything about the romance feel normal but their aim is to get money or personal information.
How it happens
Romance fraudsters are experts at manipulating their victims.
They will usually:
create a story that sounds believable and start the relationship in a normal way
gain your trust over time
invent a problem or situation where you may feel like you want to send money or gifts to help them
isolate you from friends or family
Spot the signs
There are some signs to watch out for.
When they contact you
They may make conversation more personal to get information from you. But they may not tell you much about themselves that you can check or verify.
They may send a photo to earn your trust. This may be a real photo of them, or it could be stolen from someone else or created using technology. You can use an online tool to check if it's a stolen photo. Use Google or TinEye to do a reverse image search.
They may give you an excuse why they cannot meet you in person. The excuse may seem reasonable.
If you met them on a dating website, game or application, they may steer you away from there. Instead, they may prefer to talk by email, text and phone. Fraudsters often choose encrypted messaging applications, such as WhatsApp.
They want your help
Sometimes, the fraudster will say they need money for an urgent medical operation or an ill family member. They may say they need to pay off a debt or that there’s a time critical situation to encourage you to act quickly. It might feel like only you can help them and you may feel a sense of responsibility to do so.
They may ask you to invest money. Or they may ask you to buy gift cards from websites like Amazon or iTunes to send to them.
In some cases, they may not ask you for money directly but instead hope you will send it out of kindness. By creating a situation where there’s a limited time to act, they want you to feel responsible for solving the problem. They want you to act out of a sense of urgency in the hope that you will do something you would not normally do. They may also promise that things will be better soon and that there will be no more money trouble.
The fraudster may send you expensive items, or ask to send money to your bank account. The circumstances may seem genuine, but you could unwittingly be laundering money, which is a criminal offence.
Keeping secrets
They may ask you to keep the relationship a secret. This is a tactic to isolate you from your family and friends, who may be able to identify the fraud.
The fraudster may act upset or insecure when you talk about them to others. They may make you feel sorry for them or distract you with promises of a future together. They may act hurt if you doubt them, even though your doubts are reasonable.
They may introduce other people to help the fraud seem more real. This could be family, solicitors or medical professionals, but this is also part of the fraud.
What to do
If you're suspicious of someone, tell a friend or family member. Sometimes it's hard to see the truth when you are so close to it, and another perspective helps. Remember that fraudsters are experienced and want you to feel isolated. They may try to make you feel guilty for wanting to tell someone.
Never send money or personal information. Never invest money, transfer money on their behalf, take out a loan for them, or send them gift cards. Do not send or receive parcels on their behalf, even if you know what's in them.
Contact your bank
If you suspect fraud or have sent money to someone you’re now suspicious of, call 159 to speak to your bank. This is a national hotline which most banks have signed up to.
If you receive bills addressed to you for things you did not buy, someone may be using your details. Report it to your bank as soon as possible.
You can also contact your bank using the phone number on the back of your bank card.
If you're a victim of fraud, you can get help and advice from Victim Support. Or call their 24/7 Supportline on 0808 168 9111. You can contact them whether you reported the fraud to the police or not.
